Expert Advice on How to Prepare for a Successful Outing
I've talked with hundreds of couples about their desire to pursue the swinging lifestyle as an experienced swinger and professional counselor.
The majority of couples have similar reservations about getting started. They're confused about how to handle the lifestyle environment, and they're worried that swinging will have an adverse effect on their main relationship.
Those of us who have been in the lifestyle for a long time might remember some of our most uncomfortable initial meets and talks, referring to them as learning experiences that helped us better handle swinging and our own expectations. Our early swinging adventures taught us how to properly prepare for future swinging.
I want to share them with others, and that the lessons we learn will be useful to them as they embark on their own journey into the uncharted territory of non-monogamy. It would be fantastic if no other couple had to go through what we went through with predatory swingers or had to raise the bar too high for swinger sex.
We're hoping that by working hard upfront and learning from our beginner errors, you'll be able to bypass some of the snafus and get straight to the hot fun!
1. Make a case for why you should swing.
Participating in the swinging community requires a great deal of open communication. It's critical to have open and honest discussions about your whirling dreams and whether or not you want to make them a reality.
Many novice swingers are enthralled by the notion of swinging, only to be disappointed when the reality falls short of their expectations. You may prevent this by being honest about what you want to get out of your swinging time. You're more likely to be dissatisfied if you anticipate a mind-blowing sexual encounter right away.
Make certain that you and your partner are both enthusiastic about swinging. Pushing your partner to swing can only result in disappointment and contempt.
Swinging may make a good relationship better, but it won't mend a bad one.
If you believe swinging can help you restore a damaged relationship or even rekindle a difficult sexual connection, you're mistaken. “Swinging is not for everyone,” says Jennifer Reeves, LMFT, “and should never be employed as a last-ditch attempt to rescue a relationship.”
2. Where do I begin swinging and how do I establish lifestyle boundaries?
Most swingers look at couples' online profiles before creating their own accounts on a swinging or non-monogamous dating site. A great profile represents what you both want to receive out of the swinging experience as a couple, as well as what each of you is searching for alone.
I wish I didn't have to include this caution, but it's vital to emphasize it because of our lifestyle experience: Never establish a swinger profile behind your partner's back or without their knowledge. It's unethical and sticky… and it's not going to end well.
If you're new to the swinger scene, the material in other swinger profiles will provide plenty of fodder for conversation. You'll spend weeks searching for shortcuts, figuring out where your limits are, and possibly chatting a lot about how comfortable you are with certain swinger situations.
This is a fantastic development. Before we went on our first date, my husband and I spent months researching and studying. As a pair, we made amazing progress, learning more about ourselves and becoming comfortable with the notion of sharing our partner.
Here are some examples of things to add to your profile:
Which sort of swinging appeals to you: gentle or hard swap?
Are you okay with switching the same – or different – spaces?
What do you consider to be non-negotiable? The following are some of our non-negotiables: Never take one for the team and always practice safe sex.
It may come back to bite you both in the ass if you don't clarify your desires jointly upfront. For example, we spent a few weeks conversing with a couple early last year who ended up asking us about our political views. When they discovered that my husband did not share their political beliefs, it was evident that this was an unplanned and unavoidable situation for them.
Perhaps they were concerned that someone who wasn't nearly as conservative as they were might yell “free health care for everyone” in the midst of the climax.
They were non-negotiable to us, but it was really essential to them. We could have all avoided some aggravation if they had been honest about how vital it is for couples to be ideologically aligned with them.
3. Talk about how you'd want to meet up with other swinging couples.
There are a variety of methods to meet other couples who share your interests. Because we are now in the midst of a pandemic, our alternatives are restricted. I'm hoping things will ultimately return to normal, so I'll offer you all of your non-pandemic alternatives as well.
We began the lifestyle by chatting with couples online and setting up an introductory meeting. We felt most at ease having cocktails with one couple at a time. We didn't plan a date until we had spoken online for a bit, determined that the voice was authentic, and confirmed that we had the same swinging objectives.
Swingers Clubs: We do not live in an area with swingers clubs, so this was not an option for us. If it had been a possibility, I believe it would have been a fantastic way to gain a sense of the lifestyle. It's a simple method to assess the situation, and there's less pressure when you're surrounded by couples you haven't spoken to in weeks.
Resorts by Swinger: It's a huge step, and most people can't afford it or don't have the time, but resorts are always a possibility. Several resorts appeal to those who like a more active lifestyle. Theme weeks for older couples, younger couples, and bisexual couples are common. It doesn't matter what you're looking for; they've got it.
It's important to take your time and make sure you're both on the same page, regardless of how you decide to get started.
Embracing the swinging lifestyle may be a sexually liberated and forbidden pleasure experience. However, if you are unprepared and have trouble communicating, it may be a tremendous pain.
The simplest approach to prevent problems is to think about what you want as a pair and what you are ready to offer to others in exchange.
Only you and your partner can select what you want to get out of swinging. Allow your desires to steer your investigation after you've articulated them. Relax and enjoy the thrill of swinging, as well as all the fun you'll have as a member of the lifestyle community.