Kaj se dogaja v svingerskem klubu?

Ko prvič vstopite v svingerski klub, boste morda občutili mešanico vznemirjenja in nervoze. Vendar bodite prepričani, da se ni treba ničesar bati. Svingerski klubi so prijazni prostori, kjer lahko podobno misleči posamezniki raziskujejo svojo spolnost v varnem in sporazumnem okolju.

V svingerskem klubu lahko pričakujete raznoliko skupino ljudi vseh starosti, oblik in velikosti. Vsi so tam iz istega razloga - da bi se zabavali in raziskovali svoje fantazije. Nobenega pritiska ni, da bi sodelovali pri čem, kar vam ni prijetno, in soglasje je vedno ključnega pomena.

V svingerskem klubu se lahko odvijajo različne dejavnosti. Nekateri pari se lahko ukvarjajo z intimnimi trenutki drug z drugim, drugi pa se družijo z drugimi gosti. Za bolj zasebna srečanja so lahko namenjeni posebni prostori, kot so igralnice ali temni kotički za bolj diskretne dejavnosti.

Na svingerski zabavi lahko pričakujete mešanico ekshibicionizma in voajerizma. Nekateri gostje lahko uživajo v opazovanju drugih pri spolnih dejanjih, medtem ko se drugi morda bolje počutijo, če pri tem sodelujejo sami. Vzdušje je navadno sproščeno in brez obsojanja, tako da lahko vsak svobodno izrazi svoje želje.

Dogajanje v svingerskem klubu ali seks klubu je na koncu odvisno od vas. Ne glede na to, ali ste tam zaradi opazovanja, druženja ali raziskovanja lastnih meja, je izkušnja povsem odvisna od vas. Ne pozabite le na odprto komunikacijo s svojim partnerjem in spoštovanje meja drugih, pa boste v svingerski skupnosti zagotovo preživeli nepozaben in prijeten čas.

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Za veliko ljudi je svingerski klub eden od prvih krajev, kjer dejansko začnejo izkoriščati spolno svobodo odprtega razmerja. Še več, pred prvim obiskom se pogosto pojavijo negotovost in napačne informacije o tem, kaj svingerski klub pravzaprav je, kaj se v njem dogaja in ali se tja sploh splača iti.

Edine informacije, ki jih je v zvezi s tem mogoče najti, so pogosto tiste, ki jih ponujajo klubi sami, kar pa se po vsej logiki ne zdi preveč zanesljiv vir poštenih informacij.

Zato bi vam rad povedal, kaj točno lahko pričakujete, na kaj morate biti pozorni in seveda odpravil nekaj splošnih predsodkov!

In še kratek zapis za vas: Tu pišem samo o heteroseksualnih svingerskih klubih.

Uvod: Kaj je svingerski klub?

First of all, a swingers club is a place where people meet who are interested in partner swapping or even just voyeuristic or exhibitionistic behavior. Not everyone who goes to a swingers club wants to have sex with people other than their partner. And not everyone has the same ideas about what is okay and what is not. You have to make these rules for yourself and, if necessary, in agreement with your companion, and they are supported by the fact that a clear no is binding in any case and is protected by the club’s house rules. Who does not keep to a clear no will be kicked out. This rule can be found in absolutely every club, and usually it is explicitly stated somewhere on the homepage.

Velika večina svingerskih klubov ima zelo podobno strukturo. Tam je recepcija, kjer plačate in običajno dobite ključ omarice (ki si jo delite v paru). Tam vas bodo tudi vprašali, ali ste tam že bili, in če ne, vam bodo pogosto ponudili voden ogled, kjer si lahko vse ogledate, običajno brez plačila vstopnine.

Nekje je na voljo garderoba za moške in ženske, kjer se lahko preoblečete in pospravite svoje stvari. Tam je tudi bar, kjer lahko običajno dobite brezplačno pijačo. To pogosto, vendar ne vedno, vključuje tudi alkoholne pijače. Poleg tega je običajno na voljo tudi samopostrežni bife z bolj ali manj dobro hrano, ki je prav tako vključena v ceno.

Poleg tega je klub običajno razdeljen na dva dela, in sicer na uradni del in igralni del. V uradnem delu so vse stvari, ki sem jih pravkar naštel, običajno pa je tam tudi plesišče. Veliko klubov ima za ta formalni del določena pravila oblačenja. Večinoma pravila pravijo nekaj takega, da so zaželena primerno elegantna ali seksi oblačila in da pozneje ko se večer začne, manj pomembno je, da je sploh kaj oblečenega. Večinoma se lahko sprehajate v spodnjem perilu ali zelo rahlo oblečeni, še preden to storijo vsi drugi, ne da bi vas pri tem kdo motil. V tem formalnem delu običajno ne morete pričakovati ničesar drugega kot več golote, kot ste je sicer vajeni. Občasno pride do bolj živahnega božanja ali oralnega seksa, vendar se te dejavnosti večinoma precej hitro preselijo v igralne prostore.

Igralni prostor je običajno več prostorov, ki so pokriti s preprogami. Zaradi higiene so pod njimi brisače, kondomi in robčki pa so na dosegu roke. Kot ste morda uganili, lahko v teh igralnih prostorih seksate.

The play areas usually have different “themes”. There are smaller and larger play areas and often also areas in which two or four people can withdraw and make the room “closed”, so that no one else comes in. But that doesn’t mean that no one else is watching – you have to expect that.

Te majhne sobe so običajno zelo obiskane, zato vas ne sme razjeziti, če so "zasedene" - če malo počakate, bodo sobe sčasoma spet proste.

The play areas are comfortable for about 8 to 20 people and there is often a voyeuristic element, i.e. even when the play area is “full” there are usually still places to watch from. It’s not surprising that something usually happens in these crowds and sometimes, ironically, more happens there than on the playgrounds themselves.

Kaj naj pričakujem?

Najprej: Medtem ima popolnoma vsak svingerski klub jasno pravilo "Ne pomeni ne". To pravilo je podkrepljeno z dejstvom, da vsakdo, ki se ga ne drži, odleti brez povračila stroškov in je iz kluba izključen.

This rule can be a bit confusing at first, because it forces you to behave differently than you would elsewhere. On the one hand, you have to have the courage to actually say no if you don’t want something. A no can be verbal or it can simply mean that you put away the hand that you suddenly feel somewhere on you. On the other hand, it also gives you security. If you change your mind after a no and you still feel like it, you can cancel your no by communicating clearly again.

Že zaradi tega pravila se vam lahko obisk svingerskega kluba zelo splača. Tu lahko, če tega še ne počnete, živite svojo lastno spolnost v jasno urejenem okviru.

Furthermore, you have to expect that you will see other people having sex. And you must expect to hear and smell these people. Even if you personally do not find these people aesthetically pleasing and normally would not like to look at them naked. Of course you can always just look away, but to know where you don’t want to look, you have seen it before.

This is much less bad than you might think now. At the end of the day, we’re all just people, and even people who don’t meet your own aesthetic standards have fun having sex and a right to do so. That’s all it is. People who appear unhygienic usually don’t even come in. However, the smell in the air may bother you. This has nothing to do with a lack of hygiene, but simply with the fact that many people who have sex produce a particular odor. Especially because there won’t be any windows wide open for reasons of discretion.

Naslednja točka: če ste s svojim spremljevalcem na javni zabavi, lahko pričakujete, da bodo ljudje okoli vas prav tako seksali. Zlasti če so ti ljudje v neposredni fizični bližini, je mogoče, da se bo na neki točki roka previdno dotaknila nedolžnega mesta, kot je rama ali noga.

If you don’t want that to happen, you can put your hand away at that point or speak up against it. You can also say “Stop.” at any later time. However, you should feel able to do this when visiting a swingers club. If for some reason you and/or your companion are not able to set boundaries, I would advise against a visit to a swingers club.

If you have chosen a club that allows solo males, you can expect that there will be masturbating men somewhere. You should take that into account in this case. Most of the time, it doesn’t take much more than body language to let these men know that they can’t do more than look. From an appropriate distance, however, they can not be stopped from watching. (And no, don’t worry, you won’t get splashed, that would result in a ban for the respective gentlemen). Often there is also an area where only couples have access.

Lahko se zgodi, da vas, vašega spremljevalca ali oba skupaj zadenejo. Vendar so ti poskusi zalezovanja običajno veliko bolj sramežljivi in tihi kot v običajnem okolju nočnega kluba.

It is also common to have several small groups of people who already know each other and also mainly talk to each other, with little approaching of new people. If you are shy, you may feel like you are the only ones who don’t know anyone else. But you can quickly change that if you simply approach someone from these groups in a friendly and open manner, or look around to see who else is there “alone”.

V nasprotnem primeru se vam ni treba bati.

Če je temu tako, zakaj se toliko ljudi tako boji svingerskih klubov in klubov za pare? Pravzaprav bi lahko vsakdo šel tja in si skupaj s svojim spremljevalcem ogledal pornografijo v živo? Da, točno tako, to lahko storite! Vstop v svingerski klub vas ne zavezuje k spolnim odnosom z drugimi, celo k aktivni spolnosti ne. Če želite, lahko greste tja tudi samo jesti in/ali se napiti. (To je možnost, ki jo lahko priporočim vsaki ženski. Ženske v svingerskih klubih običajno ne plačajo skoraj nobene vstopnine, a o tem več pozneje).

Da obisk svingerskih klubov kljub temu ni tako razširjen, je po mojem mnenju posledica nekaterih predsodkov in napačnih informacij.

Predsodki: Predsodki: dejstva in miti
Predsodki: Tam so samo stari ljudje
Mnogi mladi imajo predsodek, da je swinganje nekaj, s čimer se ukvarja le generacija nad 60 let, in da bodo zato v takšnih klubih večinoma našli stare gospode, ki jih imajo za "sveže meso". Na kratko: ni tako.

V številnih svingerskih klubih je povprečna starost obiskovalcev med 35 in 45 let. Izkušnje kažejo, da je razpon od 18 do 75 let, kar pomeni, da je nekaj ljudi starejših. Vendar ne samo. To je odvisno tudi od tega, kakšno občinstvo ima klub, običajno pa je to mogoče ugotoviti razmeroma enostavno in hitro z majhnim trikom. (Ta trik pojasnjujem v nadaljevanju članka).

Če vas misel na starejše ljudi spravlja v zadrego, so na voljo tudi posebni večeri za mlade pare, kjer je povprečna starost manj kot 30 let.

Pozor: Običajno so rezervirane več mesecev vnaprej. Povpraševanje po njih je vsekakor veliko, predvsem pri mlajših starostnih skupinah.

Predsodki: Tam so samo čavsi
Many people think that most people in the swinger scene are “simple-minded” or simply stupid. I don’t know where this prejudice comes from, but I can say that it is not true.

Dejstvo je: Svingerska scena se prebija skozi (skoraj) VSE družbene razrede. Tam boste srečali ljudi z izobrazbo, ljudi s pisarniškim delom in ljudi z doktoratom in tako naprej in tako naprej. Tam ne boste srečali le svojega socialnega okolja, temveč tudi ljudi, s katerimi imate sicer manj opravka. Le šibkejših družbenih slojev tu običajno ne najdete, ker si preprosto ne morejo privoščiti plačila vstopnine.

Predsodki: Tam so samo poklicne dame.
Tudi to je predsodek, ki ne drži. Ne poznam zakona, vendar sem doslej na vsaki domači strani, pa naj gre za najmanjši provincialni klub, našel pravilo, da poklicni spolni delavci očitno niso dobrodošli in da je treba takoj prijaviti, če obstaja sum, da je nekdo prišel zaslužiti denar.

It may be that there are such clubs. However, a quick internet search leads to an extremely clear result. Why should it be different? People who want to buy sexual services go to a brothel and not to a swingers club. So, apart from a few black sheep that may exist, there is no sex for sale in the swinger scene. Everyone pays admission and that’s it. You don’t buy a guarantee of sex, even if it is sometimes claimed otherwise at men’s surplus parties.

Predsodki: Swingerji so poli
A prejudice I once had myself for a while is the idea that everyone who goes to a swingers club also has an open relationship. That’s not the case. Some couples actually go there just to see and be seen, and many other couples have clear rules about how far they want to go. Many there don’t even want a partner swap and I was admittedly surprised at first when I realized this myself for the first time.

And to emphasize it again very clearly: Very few swingers live polyamory. So you really don’t need to go there if you hope to find a complement for your open relationship. The swinger scene is even one of the last places where I would do that. Swingers have often shed the restriction of sexual exclusivity in an impressive way – but only within this strictly defined framework. Many do absolutely nothing outside of such events and almost all of them exclude an emotional connection to another partner. Of course, you can meet someone now and then for whom this is different – but it is not the rule.

Izbira kluba: swingers ali klub za pare?
Najprej je treba poudariti, da obstajajo velike razlike med različnimi svingerskimi klubi. Nekateri klubi se ne imenujejo svingerski klubi, temveč klubi za pare, ker so vanje sprejeti mešani spolni pari in ne posamezniki. Natančno razmerje med vami in vašim spremljevalcem se ne preverja.

Tu lahko začnete izbirati klub: Kaj želite? Kaj si upate početi? In kakšne so vaše zahteve?

Klub za pare ima to prednost, da v njem ni samskih moških. Medtem ko tradicionalne svingerske klube večinoma financirajo solo moški, klubi za pare, kot pove že ime, v svoje prostore spuščajo le pare. To pomeni, da je za vsako damo in vsakega gospoda, ki sta tam, tudi sogovornik, zato ni neenakega razmerja med spoloma. Zlasti če ste še vedno nekoliko negotovi, lahko za začetek izberete klub za pare. Veliko parov tam je prav tako novih na svingerski sceni in zato precej negotovih. Zato se jih v povprečju zgodi manj, saj si mnogi (še) ne upajo biti žaljivi.

Dolgo sem imela predsodke do svingerskih klubov, ki omogočajo tudi solo moške, vendar so me naučili bolje.

Prva očitna prednost svingerskih klubov je, da so veliko cenejši. Pari plačajo manj, samostojne dame pa običajno ne plačajo skoraj nič. Samski moški plačajo veliko več in na vratih je strožja selekcija.

This is also immediately a tip to any woman reading here: If you are a crazy nature and like to experience something new, grab a girlfriend and go with her to such a club. You won’t get cheaper food and drink as much as you want anywhere, in addition of course to the evening entertainment and the dance floor. You don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to – you can if you want to.

Druga prednost je, da imate večjo izbiro. Klubi za pare niso tako pogosti kot svingerski klubi. Vsekakor ste lahko ne glede na to, v katerem nemškem gnezdu ali urokatoliški regiji živite, relativno prepričani, da je nekje na dosegu roke svingerski klub, kar pa ne velja za klube za pare.

Zadnja prednost je, naj se sliši še tako absurdno: solo moški.

Za razliko od kluba parov so tu tudi samostojni gospodje, ki imajo povečan interes za spoznavanje drugih in so dejavni. To lahko povzroči nelagodje med vami in vašim spremljevalcem, če ste neizkušeni ali če v vašem odnosu igra vlogo ljubosumje. Osebno sem se naučil ceniti to vzdušje. Čeprav me solistični gospodje z ustreznimi spremljevalci niso nikoli zanimali, ustvarijo vzdušje, v katerem je več odprtosti in flirtanja - in se zato več dogaja kot v klubih za pare. Vsekakor je to odvisno tudi od natančne izbire kluba.

You will probably meet solo ladies, but you should not expect to have a threesome with two women and one man, even if it is possible – don’t count on it.

Najboljši nasvet za konkretno odločitev za klub je predvsem domača stran in opis samega dogodka. Veliko svingerskih klubov ima "večer za pare", mnogi pa imajo tudi različne druge tematske večere. Če torej želite obiskati svingerski klub s svojim spremljevalcem kot radoveden par, verjetno raje izberite takšen večer za pare kot pa "hardcore XXL moške presežniške zabave", ki prav tako potekajo tam. Razen če si to seveda želite.

The next good step is to create a profile on Joyclub and see who has signed up for that particular party. Good parties are often booked up months in advance. In addition, you can estimate the average age of the participants, as well as the social class, if you value such things. All this information together usually gives you a pretty good picture of what kind of club it is and what kind of crowd will probably be there that night. This picture is, in my experience, much more accurate than what the clubs themselves give you in terms of age average or what the homepage makes for an impression. That’s why I think Joyclub research is a good solution if you want to take a closer look. You can also find special events in places that are not normally a swingers club. A basic profile is free as a couple at Joyclub.

Zavedajte se, da vedno obstajajo prednosti in slabosti! V majhnih družinskih klubih je lažje navezati stike, v velikih klubih pa lahko v miru začutite svoje meje. V poceni klubih pogosto vlada prijetna prisrčnost, v dragih klubih so ljudje pogosto videti lepši in tako naprej in tako naprej.

Kako lahko tam koga spoznam?

Morda vse to že veste, če ste že kdaj obiskali kakšen klub, lahko pa se tega naučite, če ga obiščete z odprtimi očmi. se tega naučite, če ga obiščete z odprtimi očmi. Vendar imam za vas nekaj dodatnih nasvetov, ki vam lahko pomagajo tudi, če ste klub že obiskali ali če vse to za vas ni nič novega.

The mistake that many couples make when they go to a club for the first time is that they think everything happens there without them having to do anything. Most women are used to just being flirted with and most men don’t really know how to hit on a couple. Both in combination often leads to many couples being unsure and not really knowing what to do. The other couples present are probably just as insecure, and therefore little or nothing happens in the end. Yet the whole thing is not that difficult. There are basically three good ways to do partner swapping, if that is the goal.

Počasen način za ljudi, ki ne želijo zavrnitve
The slow way is basically not much different from an everyday flirting situation, except that it’s relatively clear to everyone involved what the deal is. You should try to be relatively on time for the start of the party. This is the phase when everyone is still wandering around the dance area or clustering around the buffet. You just join in this dance, but look for contact. These clubs are usually designed to make it easy to find contact. You can just sit down at the table with another couple or couples. You can stand next to another couple at the bar or on the dance floor, or other random scenarios.

A simple “Hello”, or “Where are you from?” is usually quite enough here, no one expects quantum physics from you. On the contrary, everyone is well aware that having sex with each other is a possibility during the course of the evening, so there is often a high willingness to get to know each other quickly. At any point in the conversation, you can ask directly if the couple in question would like to join you on one of the playgrounds. If you have the feeling that they are not quite sure yet – this can often be because each of them is afraid of catching their own partner off guard – you can simply say that you are going “upstairs” now. Or just go to where the playgrounds are located in the club in question and just see if the two of you follow. If you were sympathetic to each other, this usually works pretty well. If the whole thing doesn’t work, just go back and repeat the procedure – eventually it will work out!

This way is also especially suitable as a solo lady, because here you are in a relatively comfortable position and probably want to avoid making the gentleman’s lady jealous.

Hitri način, ko je potrpljenja manj
The fast way is very similar to the slow way, but it involves a much higher level of eroticism and physical contact. This means you choose a couch or the dance floor rather than the dining area as your point of contact and, after a brief introductory conversation, start kissing and getting hot with your partner. If they are not interested, they usually leave pretty quickly at this point. If they are interested, they usually start to do the same and after a short time the “hands start to wander” to see how the other couple reacts. If the ice is broken to the sexual you can then relatively quickly start to flirt offensively. It doesn’t matter which of you starts it, because the second part of the couple will almost automatically start talking to the corresponding counterpart. The only important thing is that you try not to provoke jealousy by keeping the progress of your flirting synchronized. If you notice that one of the two is moving too fast, or is suspicious of what his or her partner is doing, just push him or her back to their partner. Let the two of them feel safe with each other and give them a chance to leave or talk things out and start over again a little slower if necessary. Or, alternatively, try it with another couple.

Zelo hiter način, če natančno veste, kaj želite.
This way is for all those who don’t really want to get to know anyone, but just want to have sex and swap partners. To my knowledge this way is a speciality of the swinger scene and I haven’t seen it working like this anywhere else.

As soon as you feel like it, go to a playground. Pick one where there is room for several couples. If you are relatively attractive and/or young, it doesn’t matter if the playground is completely empty beforehand – people will come, don’t worry.

Tam se začnite skupaj zabavati ali pa se ulezite v bližino para, ki vas zanima, in se začnite zabavati. Običajno bo trajalo največ nekaj minut, preden se bodo prve roke sprehodile čez ali bo prišlo do kakršnegakoli drugega stika. Vse skupaj poteka skoraj samodejno, brez kakšnega večjega pogovora ali truda.

If you are afraid of not being attractive enough, just wait until your chosen couple is a bit more “into it” before approaching. Often the standards of attractiveness become almost completely blurred while you’re aroused, and you’ll probably notice in yourself that your criteria can shift quite a bit and you suddenly enjoy having sex with people who might not have matched your own preferences before. This is not bad or strange, it is simply normal that horniness has this effect. And you can also take advantage of this.

To the best of my knowledge, this “super fast way” works almost always and for almost everyone, although of course not with everyone. By going to a big playground and not to a small corner, you have filtered out the people who are not interested in exchanging partners and touching each other almost from the beginning. Of course, it’s also a bit more random with whom you have fun. But in my opinion, it’s a very interesting experience to realize that maybe that’s not always so important.

Ta nasvet je namenjen predvsem parom, ki so pomirjeni sami s seboj. Tega nasveta naj po možnosti ne uporabljajo solo moški, saj tam prej vodi do zgoraj omenjenega pojava "marginalnega wankerja" in je najmanj parom resnično privlačen.

Skrivni nasvet: Flirtajte!
As last I would like to give you still another important tip on the way. In many clubs, just because people often end up having sex with each other, doesn’t mean that they have better basic communication skills.

Če torej v takem klubu normalno flirtate in se trudite, kot bi se v naravi, že precej izstopate iz povprečja. Bodite očarljivi. Ne bojte se. Flirtajte z drugimi, vzpostavite telesni stik, plešite. Govorite o tem, kako smešno se vam zdi biti tukaj in kako se počutite ali da ste bili strašno živčni, ko ste se pripeljali sem. S temi stvarmi, ki so pri vsakdanjem flirtanju samoumevne, imate največ možnosti, da nekaj naredite prav s parom, s katerim si želite biti spolno aktivni. Morate le za trenutek pozabiti na ta skriti motiv, ki ga imajo vsi: "Bova kasneje seksala?", in se spomniti, koga imate pred seboj: ljudi z običajnimi strahovi in negotovostjo, ki se radi zabavajo in so radi romantični ter radi, da jih imate.